


Go back to sleep

by jeolmeoniji



Series: One Hundred Ways To Say 'I Love You' [2]
Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Anxiety Attacks, Comfort/Angst, Fluff, M/M, because Hyungwonho will always win, i still don't know how to tag, ok it sounds sad but i swear it's not, wonho is not alone
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-27
Updated: 2017-03-27
Packaged: 2018-10-11 17:37:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,134
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10470438
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jeolmeoniji/pseuds/jeolmeoniji
Summary: Before meeting Hyungwon, Hoseok didn't like to sleep.





	

**Author's Note:**

> related to I dreamt of you last night (part 1 of my series One Hundred Ways To Say I Love You) but i think you can read it as a stand-alone?

Before meeting Hyungwon, Hoseok didn't like to sleep. Oh, it wasn't because he was too full of energy and prefered to spend time to do something instead of going to bed. He _was_ tired like any human after a hard class or a long shift at the café. But if he could, he would just ignore his tiredness and watch something, study or read, until his eyes burnt a little and that he knew sleep would take over him faster.

 

Night, gloom and stillness were dangerous factors for Hoseok, because his thoughts wandered and get lost in places he didn't like, places he couldn't bare, where he felt insignificant. He could disappear in a breath and be forgotten forever. It was so simple to become invisible in this darkness, to die in silence, he didn't have anything to grip to stay in the real world. His uneasy breath and ached chest reminded him he still lived, but it wasn't enough to keep him calm. That's why Hoseok only slept a little and had huge and dark under-eye circles. Spending a good night only happened once in a while.

 

Meeting Hyungwon and his love for naps and sleep changed his life. It was kind of hard to escape Hyungwon's curious stare when Hoseok said “I'm just gonna study a little bit more, you can go to sleep first” – because this excuse couldn't work every single time, and Hyungwon knew by fact that Hoseok wasn't a lover of reading class notes. As much as Hoseok liked to feel Hyungwon's body against his, his anxiety had too much power over him and he didn't want his lover to know about it. He didn't want to see him worried. He was a fool to think that he would not discover it too soon, but faking for a little more nights was fine for him.

 

When they first became a thing, they didn't spend that much nights together; they each had their own room in some student building, and maybe once or twice per week, they would spend the night at the other's. Eventually, their feelings grew and became stronger, and soon it was normal to sleep in the same bed, whatever the place. And that's when Hoseok realized that opening to Hyungwon, sharing with him his everyday life, meant he would share with him his every _night_ life too. Hyungwon wasn't dumb and after more time together, he realized what was wrong.

 

At first, he didn't ask why Hoseok avoided to go to sleep at the same time as him – he often was soundly asleep when Hoseok joined him. He never thought it was because Hoseok didn't like him enough – because face the truth, it was _obvious_ Hoseok loved him, they were soulmates. When he asked about it, Hoseok would shrug it off, and Hyungwon wouldn't ask anything else; it wasn't the time yet, he thought, it would come later, their relationship was still evolving, it was okay. Eventually, Hyungwon discovered everything, without  needing Hoseok's explanation, because Hyungwon _saw_ and just _knew_ – when you care, you _know_.

 

It was the middle of the night, and Hyungwon stired in his sleep to finally wake up, disoriented. He almost whined and wanted to go back to sleep soon; Hoseok was in his arms – he must have joined him after his last late study session – and it felt good to share their warmness. But when he snuggled closer, he realized that Hoseok's body was trembling, for no reason since they lay fluffily under a comfortable blanket. Hoseok was shaking and trying to muffle little sounds that were too desperate and painful for Hyungwon to ignore it. Something was wrong. And Hyungwon had to do something about it.

 

First, he spinned Hoseok carefully so he would be face to face with him, even if it was difficult to distinguish his features in the dark of the room. The move almost made Hoseok gasped, but Hyungwon sensed the grip he did on his pajama tee; he was indeed wide awake. It was silent for a few seconds but Hyungwon felt Hoseok's quick breath against his neck; he put his hand on Hoseok's cheek, and the other circled soothing gestures on his back. Hyungwon tangled his legs with Hoseok's, and leaned a bit more toward him, so everything he could feel and see was his boyfriend – and in the shadows, Hyungwon could see that Hoseok was focused on him, on his eyes and on his presence, and maybe without realizing it his breath calmed down, and it eased Hyungwon a bit to know that.

 

“Go back to sleep,” Hyungwon whispered with the most caring voice he had ever used, “I got you, I'm here.”

 

Hyungwon felt Hoseok relax against him, in a gesture of tiredness. Then, he shivered, and Hyungwon was alarmed again, realizing some wetness in the crook of his neck; Hoseok was crying, and his heart tightened, but he also tightened his grip around his boyfriend, whispering comforting words in his ear and wiping his tears away from his beautiful face.

 

It's few moments later that Hyungwon understood that Hoseok shed tears of relief and not of fear. A little _thank you_ waited on Hoseok's lips, entirely for Hyungwon who  claimed it with a sweet kiss, just before they drifted to a calm and warm sleep together.

 

When they woke up in the morning, Hyungwon took the time to think about what he had witnessed, what Hoseok unveiled, what Hoseok let him see despite the dark. Being deprived of sleep is the worst thing ever, because it means your body can never rest and let your mind take a break. He would not have thought Hoseok was this kind of person; to have anxiety or stress to that point. He looked rather fine and lively. But discovering the truth just made him love him more.

 

Hyungwon became Hoseok's lighthouse and his savior, the one here for him, his shield and painkiller. Hyungwon's arms, calm breath, comforting hands, soothed Hoseok's fears, took away his pain and eased his heartbeats. Hyungwon couldn't express how proud he was that he was the one who helped Hoseok to feel better and overcome, little by little, what was eating him on the inside. It wasn't completely over, it was still a hard journey; but Hyungwon was there, and Hoseok loved him as much as he loved him too. 

 

Now, Hoseok would gladely take naps with Hyungwon or go to sleep with him earlier than he would have months ago. They would sleep in the embrace of each other, and Hoseok was so grateful that the one he loved beyond everything was there to help him. Soon, Hoseok's nightmares or crisis became dreams that Hoseok would share when he woke up next to Hyungwon.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> in this story wonho is basically me (but i don't have hyungwon cry)
> 
> hope you liked it, kudos and comments are loved <3


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